A small insight into my current brain…

Last night I saw footage from the July 4th killing of James Garcia, the video is on tiktok and it will make you just as sick to your stomach as anything.
I’ve been kept awake over and over lately by this wondering if what seems to be true is actually true: that average police forces are not trained like the full time military are trained in the rules of engagement, assessing a situation and the proper use of deadly force.
It feels like I’m missing something in the narrative, because all killings by police (of all demographics mind you) that are determined to be unjustified (or even some that are ruled justified, correctly or incorrectly at this point is irrelevant for what I am looking to for) seem to have a common narrative assumption: the cop was “afraid for his life” or possibly afraid for the lives of his or her fellow officers.
Now, I have a list of experiences with these rules, including my jobs as a security guard and as a Civilian on Battlefield (a civilian assisting in military training operations by acting as “COBs” or “POCs” (meaning “person of consequence”, as in a potential bad guy) and having been a military spouse who always wanted to stay informed and aware of how things worked (ask Tira Kelker-Mason who witnessed me full on nose to nose with an officer who had it out for my enlisted husband, thinking I didn’t know “my place”). I also have first hand knowledge of very dangerous racially charged police behavior and with a very humbling knowledge of more than one incident in my life that could have resulted in my death at the hands of police or others had I been a person of color.
I read for hours trying to understand. What I found was abysmal at best. I was hoping to find that the reported incidents that fan the flames of our anger with the establishment of the police forces in the United States were simply the fault of the prejudice of the individuals who perpetrate them. I knew I was reaching. Was I hoping to disprove systemic racism? No, that is impossible because that is not a theory to disprove, it is a matter of factual evidence. I was hoping that I would find that these individual police officers who committed these murders have been going against their training and relying solely on individual and situational fears and prejudice when they decided it was okay to shoot and kill anyone teen or a little kid or to shoot and kill a man or woman because they look like the might be maybe possibly going to shoot them first or they “look like the suspect’s description”.
That didn’t happen, that isnt what I found. Instead, I found that over and over the training of entire police departments is in question, as well it should be. These are people who are sworn to protect and serve, who we sometimes call for situations they were never meant to deal with, but who are so often given so little, so little initial training, so little positive attention, even the paychecks are small. Many patrol cops get treated with disrespect by their own departments, similar to the disrespect many military MOSs show eachother (one Marine Vet called my Army Infantry Husband “Cannon Fodder”), as if they are just glorified and armed security guards. In essence, without advanced training, a new cop is just that, with one exception from and armed security guard, a license to kill.
Then I found this story.
This is a very long and very sad story of a 9 minute span of life and death situation for 3 people that resulted in 1 death and one firing of a police officer (not the one you expect) and the broken hearts of more than one family. If you take the time to read the entirety of this article to completion and the updates and edits, you will find something that reads like a movie, almost unreal the way it sheds light on what goes through an officer’s mind that is military combat trained and one who is not.
Do I believe the situation would have been different if the man with the gun had been 100% white? It is VERY likely, but what is CERTAIN to me, is the fact that the situation would have been different if all 4 police personnel involved (please note the dispatchers words or lack thereof) had been trained to observe, report, and used force in an entirely different manner. This would have also changed the aftermath.

https://features.propublica.org/weirton/police-shooting-lethal-force-cop-fired-west-virginia/

Burnt out and unmotivated?

Yes…BUT GOD
Or
YES…But, Choose Joy
In the last few years we have faced a virtual boxing match of life. Income loss, heart attack, depression, loss of loved ones, loss of pregnancy, emergency surgeries, very sick loved ones, hospital bills, lawyer bills, unpayable bills, unmitigated drama, threats to our home, cars, phones, electricity, and friking insufficient funds fees. Stressful jobs with sometimes toxic environments, working more than one or two jobs to combat the above situations. Lack of sleep leading to brain fog. Prescriptions that cost more than a paycheck that don’t get taken because they cant be purchased.
There are nights no one can sleep and we fail to pray together because we don’t want to tell the eachother we are awake.
Yes…BUT
There is Grace. And Hope. And love.
There are people who listen to the Spirit’s prompting and show up to help.
And we must choose joy.
Do you know why it is called the “Law” of attraction? Because it’s like physics. The universe must react in kind to our energy. It’s designed that way. (And if you dont believe me, “It Is Written”)
So, burnt out? Yes. Brittany 2007? No joke Grief? Without a doubt
But giving up? Nope Losing faith? Not a chance
Succumbing to the mind numbing depression and anxiety and “lack of motivation”?
Try the 5 second rule…(brainchild of Mel Robbins, this is life altering)
5, 4, 3, 2, 1…get UP AND CHOOSE!
Depression and anxiety are not a choice, those are chemical, biological issues. But combating them is. Therapy, meds if you can (unfortunately I can’t), and a million little and big ways that God literally put into motion JUST to help the human psyche.
So. As hard as it is, my friends, choose joy, choose with me to stay alive. Choose to help others do the same.
#choosejoy #selfcare #wellbeing #butGod #preventsuicide #talkitout #loveoneanother

Crafts, crap, coffee and cash..

Having this dream of starting and running a business while fighting a million battles seems ludicrous, possibly insane. I had the dream before the chronic illness and the multiple miscarriages. I had the dream before the my bonus daughter was a teenager. I had the dream before I had to work 1 day job and 4 side hustles to stay afloat. So why on earth now? To quote Rachel Hollis (as I do a lot, as well as Brene’ Brown, Mel Robbins, Tony Robbins, JK Rowling, my mother, and of course my favorite, Bible verses) “if not now, when?”. Yes, that is a quote, a small quote, but a meaningful one. Right now, it is 6:22AM and I have been up, without coffee, for 2 hours. I’m not sure how I’m even alive! Ha! More to the point it is 6:22 AM on May 12, 2019 (Happy Mother’s Day!) , and I started this particular blog post on APRIL 7TH!

What?!? You may ask. Why?!? Why are you so slow? What on earth? Don’t you have anything good to share with us? Well, I do, but I also have a serious scatterbrain, a full schedule, and sometimes at the end of the day, I’m not really sure anyone cares about the thoughts of a 40 year old from Fort Wayne, IN.

So that leads me back to “If not now, when?” And the actual topic of my original draft of this post: Lisa ReBorn Designs right NOW. Boy, oh Boy, did I jump in with both feet and no water wings! My little apartment is completely over run with crafts and sewing and my brain is more frazzled all the time. My friend, Kay, and I signed up for our VERY FIRST big crafts show and my nerves are shot. We signed up more than 2 months ago…the show is next week. I do NOT feel prepared at all. I have many many crafts done and many only partly done, we are still trying to figure out surfaces and displays and set up and I just realized we dont have bags and I never finished my logo. My anxiety is sky high, helped greatly by prayer, meditation and CBD oil, all of which I am still learning to regulate. This chaos is on TOP of the bills, doctor visits, normal life things(cooking, cleaning, moody teenager, maybe sometimes even spending time with my love or family, Church)my Perfectly Posh business and oh yeah, the gazillion 20 minute bathroom breaks because my systems are easily effected by stress.

I think my ideas are great. I don’t know if anyone else does, and that drives me to drinking (coffee). I need cash. I have bills to pay and things we all need. I also feel like I need this sort of recognition or validation. That somehow my big, audacious ideas and dreams aren’t so crazy as to never come true. My dreams of building something that yes, has been done before, but never by ME! Another one of the Rachel Hollis “excuses” from her book Girl, Stop Apologizing, is “it’s been done before”. That is a fact! It has, in some way it has, and the people who point that out may even be your loved ones who think they are trying to help you by telling you that your idea is ordinary and you “probably should leave that to the experts”! You (I) have to start somewhere and sometime, so why not now?

So, I craft, and I coffee, use the restroom and repeat. Hopefully next step is the cashflow. I promise not to fill this blog with so many affiliate links and ads that you cant enjoy the content anymore (I’m learning how to add the ones linking to what products I actually used or to a YouTube tutorial or Pinterest pin). I promise to always be as transparent and yet upbeat and positive as possible. If I start more side hustles (got my Door Dash bag in the mail the other day) I will be certain to let you know how that goes. In the meantime, I would love it if you would share my blog or Facebook page and eventually my Shophomemade page so Lisa ReBorn Designs and LivingReBorn can grow!

Girl, get out of my faith.

I’ve just read yet another self righteous, overtly pretentious review by a Christian woman of a Rachel Hollis book. This time the book just came out today, Girl, Stop Apologizing. These reviews make me think that the reviewers didnt even read the books they are reviewing…because they are not writing reviews at all, they are taking snippets out of context and then making them look like Rachel is the antichrist and will lead women down a dangerous path of *gasp* BELIEVING IN OURSELVES! Heaven forbid that the downtrodden woman living under the thumb of the patriarchy start realizing that by NOT following the passion GOD PLACED IN OUR HEARTS, we are NOT serving God or others, we are doing the opposite.

I WANT to pick apart these women’s reviews, but not the women. I’m sure the stay at home, pioneer moms think they are just perfect examples of God’s desire for the modern woman, and they never once suffered the shame and guilt that gets instilled in the rest of us by satan himself. They have maybe never been married to someone with severe PTSD who took out all their pain on them and literally made them believe they were worthless. They have never known what it’s like to believe the lies from the pits of hell that I’m not worthy of loving myself, not worthy of having God’s promises in my life fulfilled and that I have nothing to give in the way of life improving grace proving love. They write blog post after blog post about “not conforming to the ways of the world” which IS Biblical, but then acting LIKE the world by bashing Rachel over the head with an oversized King James Bible and begging women everywhere not to listen to her because they might suddenly desire not to care for their children or households and think about nothing but themselves.

Are you kidding me?

When I say “yet another”, I’m referring to similar review of her Book “Girl, Wash Your Face”. I don’t remember if it was by the SAME stay at home mom with a self righteous carrot up her butt, but it felt the same. She misquoted so many parts of the book, Rachel sounded like a mean ol hag that hates fat people and wants you to sell your soul to the devil! I mean, I can do the same thing with the Holy Scriptures in a book review!

My point is that women need to do a much better job of being the women we all need instead of being the women that we’ve been shamed into being, and Rachel Hollis manages to do that for many many women. She wants everyone to know that wanting more out of life and going out to get it isn’t the polar opposite of God’s will, but His desire for us here and now. He wants us to stop crying over what we cannot fix and let Him fix it. He doesnt want us to keep apologizing to the world rather to seek His forgiveness and His love and to go out and share his grace and love with the broken, lonely, lost and abandoned.

So Girl, dry your eyes, pray for wisdom, thank God for Mercy and Grace, dust off the dirt kicked onto your shoulders by jealous unfulfilled souls, and stop apologizing.

Gonna KonMari The Crap Outta This!

No, We are not in the 6th Sense. (see photo) I opened every cupboard and drawer to get started. (originally started post on Jan 5th, 2019)

So this method of decluttering says you must:

  1. commit yourself to decluttering all at once
  2. gather ALL Items in ONE PLACE
  3. follow an exact order
  4. discard intensely and completely
  5. store each category together.

You are supposed to started easy with clothing, then books, then papers (ugh) then move on to Komono (miscellaneous) which means all the rest of the crazy crap that fills up our lives and our spaces and our brains. However, I must start a little off today, because I need to go grocery shopping badly, and I am not setting foot in the store until I know I can unload the groceries into a welcoming space.

Now I am writing this in retrospect. Thinking back on that totally insane day and what it really meant to clean out my kitchen like that. It took more than 6 hours to clean out this mess and a month later, I am still finding things that I don’t need to keep anymore, and figuring out what my kitchen really means to my life. I did hold things in my hands and ask if it sparked joy. I literally threw out 5 garbage bags full of actual garbage and gave away 3 large boxes of items. In the end, the gallery below shows what I ended up with after I then went to the grocery store. (there is no picture of the complete kitchen yet, rather how I managed to pare down and organize and reduce countertop clutter to nothing but the food I bring home.

Since then I have applied this same idea all over the house. What I have learned is that it is no joke. If you approach everything in the same old way, trying to just shift things around and organize the clutter, you get the same old results, clutter that only stays organized for a short time. IF you use this approach of deciding what you truly desire to keep in your life, what really brings you a sense of peace, joy, prosperity, you will honestly live with much less and be grateful for much more.

I have found that much of the clutter, even the papers and small broken items, that are stashed all over the place, stay because of a sense of lack. That somehow this stuff will be useful or helpful in the future, or was once expensive or a gift and should be saved. I don’t know any truly rich people who think this way, do you?

We will come back around to this subject in a later blog post. For now, you could do what I did and get on Pinterest and find others who have used this method of decluttering and start your own project!

Day One: Mi Vida Loca

It isn’t really that crazy, unless you ask my mom. She asks me what I am doing today, and when I tell her she always says , “I’m exhausted just hearing about it. “

So, why on earth then, would I add starting a blog? Because I want to share with other people as I journey, not just a before and after. I don’t think there is a person out there that doesn’t enjoy a good before and after, or else Chip and Joanna Gains wouldn’t be nearly as popular, shows like “My 600Lb Life” would never get watched, and no one would care what your house looks like after you read about the KonMari Method.

I came up with ReBorn as a name more than a decade ago when I got my certificate in interior decorating. “ReBorn Interiors: Interior Decorating for Everyone” or “the rest of us” as you like. I was so tired of watching the same shows at the time that said “decorating on a budget” and the budget was thousands of dollars. I had nothing. As time has gone on, I ended up divorced and living with my best friend and put ReBorn aside to just try to live and survive.

At one point I realized I wanted ReBorn to be so much more. But I didn’t know what that meant. I listen to Podcasts and watch motivational speakers like Tony Robbins and Rachel Hollis and try to start different “methods” and “routines”, I have books and devotionals and journals and basically junk scattered all over this little apartment that show all the things I have started. Somewhere along the lines, I get to feeling stuck, but I don’t quit. I never give up. That is supposed to be a good thing right???? Not really. Not all giving up, or letting go, is an admission of defeat. Christ said “Into your hands I commit my spirit” Luke 23:46. I never thought about that in such a positive light before today. And I do mean today. I have “tried” giving my worries and my anxiety and my depression to God many many times in my life. I have given the good and the bad, and thought I was giving all of me. But that one little word, “spirit”, I feel like today, encompasses my whole life and what I have invested myself in.

So, on a lighter note. The reason I chose today to start this? Because I have also chosen to start something equally insane: Using the KonMari Method to Declutter My Whole Apartment!!! Only, we aren’t going to follow exactly the order because I NEED to start with step 4, which involves the kitchen, because it is the noisiest and most cluttered area of the house and from my understanding, one of the hardest places to declutter. Also, because I need to go grocery shopping today and I am not putting new food in this mess.

So… Let’s Get Started!!